Wednesday, September 5, 2007

My kids are trying to kill me

It's 4 in the morning & I can't sleep. I keep thinking about all of the things I need to do before I leave for Texas thursday morning (tomorrow). A few of the more annoying items being things like buying soccer shoes, writing a minute by minute itenierary for the kids activities, finish making a gazillion bow boards for the boutique, packing bags for me, mike & the kids (4 seperate bags...we're all going in different directions), find the source of the stink in my kitchen...oh yeah, and wash my hair(not to mention the rest of me). When I can't sleep I make lists in my head, hoping that I'll get so bored I'll fall asleep, while simultaneusly comitting things I need to recall to memory. I found myself pretty entertained by the following list & thought I would share it:

I'm calculating my actual age by deducting a year off of my life for each medical emergency that my kids have put me through. Here's what I came up with-
K-seizures, 2 day hospital stay due to subdural hematoma (I get 5 years for this one)
J-Falling down the stairs (top to bottom)
J-ER visit for possible intestinal blockage, the pediatricians exact words were "Go straight to Childrens Hospital, as fast as you can". What he should have said was "your kid has raging diaharrea...strap him into a car seat & drive 20 minutes while he screams bloody murder so that 2 minutes before you get to the ER he can poop his pants, car seat, car, & mom and feel instantly better." Good times.
J-ER visit for internal bleeding at 2 in the morning. What it actually was was the Red Cherry Icee that he chugged at Target as a bribe so that I could shop in peace. Who knew throw up could be SO red?
K-911 call,Abulance & fire truck to our house-During a "nap" she decided to try & swallow a hair clippy. She then choked on it for 5 minutes while I screamed at the 911 lady about her blue face, eyes rolling back in her head, & coughing up blood. Precisley 20 seconds before the ambulance pulled up she choked it up. The ambulance people kept wanting to check out the hysterical woman holding the smiling little girl & waving a bloody hair clip in the air. Again, I get 5 years for this one.
J-Falling down the stairs. (yes again)
K-Leaping off the front of the ski boat as Mike throws it into gear to pull a skiier up. 'Nuf said.
K-ER visit for screwing a nut (yes, a nut. As in nuts & bolts) on to her finger so tightly that it required medical intervention to get off. This one was kind of fun, they gave her drugs so that she wouldn't remember the "incident". She giggled uncontrollably & told us we were funny for about an hour.

Well, let's see. If I add these years on to my life (currently age 33) I actually become...49!!! Holy heck! I knew it! I'm basically a 30 year old in a 50 year old body. My kids are trying to kill me! (If they don't manage to kill themselves in the process)

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