Merry Chris"blog"mas

Here are the Turk cousins...all together. Jordyn, Evan, Lukas, Jacob, Kiernan, and Piper! Thanks Grandma Diane for the holiday duds.

Ahhh...tis' the season.


Tis' the season for standing with hoards of sweaty children waiting for your turn to "Say Cheese". (Really, who decided that "cheese" was the perfect picture taking word anyways? Wouldn't "freeeeze", or "sneeeeeze", or "take my money pleeeeease" work just as well?)

Tis' the season for elbowing your way through the aisles of Target, even when all you need is a toe nail clipper.

Tis' the season for baking all kinds of delicious goodies that you don't make all year long (but still crave) then take a gander at the pile and realize that even if you took them to family, friends, co-workers, and the U.S. Navy...you still will have to eat pumpkin bread until Easter.

Tis' the season to try desperately to keep your house "holiday clean" (this is different from "It smells clean" clean, "eat off of the floor" clean, and the ever popular "toxic juice spill" clean) while simultaneously putting out decorations, gifts, food, ornaments, embellishments, kid crafts and other clutter-like objects and trying to maintain that "clean" feel to the house.

Tis' the season to show off the family to those who haven't really seen you all year, because your kids are to darn cute not to.

Tis' the season to hang out at home and play games, eat, and watch tv...beacause the rest of the year you have no good excuse.

Tis' the season to say "Merry Christmas" to you because we miss you, love you, and can't wait to see you again!

Merry Christmas, Love the Colemans

62 in the house

Shhhhh...dont' tell my husband! I turned on the heater today.

Disneyland How-To's

How does a princess go potty?

How do you keep track of Grandpa...even if he doesn't know it?

What's a good age to get your first Ears?

How can you tell a princess is having a good time?

Which character at the park do children love the most?

When your out of baby food, does the park provides some for you?

How does a princess catch the bus?

Can I get glitter with my steak?

Well, as many of you already know we went to Disneyland this weekend with my family. We had a ton of fun & the kids loved it, although calling it "the happiest place on earth" might be a bit of a stretch. If you could hear all of the screaming, crying kids being drug around the park by parents hissing "I promise, you'll love it", "happiest" takes on a whole new meaning.

Mike & I spent most of our time apart since Jake & Kiernan are at two totally different places as far as rides go. I have to say, Jake is quite the adventurer...he repeatedly went on rides that had most of us reaching for the barf bags. His favorite phrase this trip was "AGAIN, AGAIN!". Which left the rest of us going, "It's your turn", "No, it's your turn", "He's your kid", *sigh* "Alright". Luckily between Uncle Chris, Aunt Michelle, Grandpa, & Us, we kept him going.

Here's Me, Jake, My Mom, Sister Michelle, Bro in Law Chris, & Tierney on California Screamin

Kiernan was in princess heaven! We did the princess breakfast which was totally fun, I'll write about it later. She & I went off on our own & had a bunch of fun at the Princess Faire. She was right in her element as you can see...

She really wanted to go on the stage that looked like a castle, but she wasn't allowed, so instead she took her place on the throne. She loved visiting with the princesses of the court & everywhere she went charachters were bowing & calling her "your highness"...her getup was quite the hit. I kept trying to get her to change because I thought she was uncomfortable, but anytime I mentioned unloading the tulle explosion we called a dress she went into hysterics. Apparently being smothered in 50 yards of tulle really isn't that uncomfortable...who knew?

Okay, so I have a confession to make (Mike, stop reading here). We stopped by the "Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique" to just check it out. I didn't quite realize that it was a money-sucking pit covered in flowers & sparkles. Kiernan took one look & decided she had to get a salon treatment of some kind (thanks Auntie Michelle!). Generally I can resist *if i wanted to* but when she saw those little girls getting gussied up "princess style" she went nuts. She jumped straight into a chair & gave me "the eyes". Now some of you have experienced "the eyes" (Auntie Michelle, Steffie, & even Amber I think). If she uses "The eyes" consider yourself toast. I went to the counter & asked a question that generally I consider to be tacky, but my sense of self preservation demanded I do it.

Me : "Whats the cheapest thing you've got?"

Apparently thats the face painting. She wanted her hair done, but I choked just a little when they told me the cost. They did have the "full princess treatment" starting at $180.00...I declined that one.

Sooo, we got our face painted.

Now let me just say...She was in heaven, as you can easily see in the pictures. Now having said that, getting her face painted was about the approximate cost of a nice sirloin filet at at Fleming's. I make this analogy because my stomach is still in rebellion over the two thousand chicken nuggets :::gag::: that I ate over this last weekend. Everywhere we went I shared pizza or chicken nuggets :::gag::: with the kids. What I would have done for a real meal is scary to comprehend. So when I look at that smiling face covered in paint...well, all I see is a steak dinner people, because that's what I would have gotten! My filet is on her face! What's more, after they were all done painting, the girl asked, "Do you want glitter too? It's $2.00 more." Seroiusly...you're going to mention glitter in front of a 4 year old & expect me not to say yes?! So...they charged me for glitter. They charged me for GLITTER! Disneyland charged a 4 year old child for GLITTER!!!! One would think that they had some glitter to spare. Apparently not...so we got glitter. On my steak.

All in all it was worth it...I mean look at her face!

*NOTE- At breakfast Ariel taught Kiernan how to pose like a princess...do you think she got it?

Another year, gone.

Okay, so we did have a little bit of excitement this weekend. Saturday a.m. I had to go to my moms for a baby shower, Mike was in charge of the kids. I load up my car & hit the road to go across town to my moms house. I drive 15 minutes & am almost to my moms house when my phone rings...

Me: Hello
Mike: Hi
Me: What's up?
Mike: Umm, do you have Kiernan?
Me: :::silence::: huh? WHAT?!?
Mike: So, you don't?
Me: *screeching* WHERE IS SHE????
Mike: Ummm, gotta go. *click*

What just happened here?

So, I call back...
Mike: What?
Me: Isn't she in the house?
Mike: No! I've gotta go!
Me: CALL ME WHEN YOU FIND HER!!!
Mike: Yeah. *Click*

So, I turn the car around to go home, imagining terrible scenarios involving pools, cars, perverts entering the house, and other miscellaneous "mom nightmares"...but still thinking that Mike will call back at any minute.
5 minutes, no call...10 minutes, no call...15 minutes, almost home, so I can't take it & I call. No answer. So I keep calling...finally Mike answers.

Mike: I've got her, we just got back.
Me: *just got back??* You just got back? What?

Apparently Mike made the mistake of using the restroom without telling Kiernan. She thought everybody left & decided to follow on foot. Mike got in the car and found her a block & a half away walking down the middle of the frontage road of a major street(West Ave. for those who live here).

Aren't I past this part of child hood? Can't I relax just a little? I just lost another year off of my life...I am now officially 50 years old. (see "my kids are trying to kill me")

Real jobs, pretend jobs, & everything in between.

Yes, yes, I know it's been awhile. Okay all you moms out there let's all say it together..."Life is crazy. It never stops. What's my name? Eat?!?...Eat when?".

Seriously, for a chick who supposedly just sits around the house (just ask my husband), I'm loosing my mind! I'm currently working on the craft booth because I'm going to shut it down. So the goal for the moment is to make up as much stuff as I can, shove it all in the booth & hope it all sells over Christmas.

"What, your closing the booth?" you ask. Yes, I'm closing the booth. Why? Because I live in California. California is expensive. California is really expensive. I'm telling you it's been years since I've had the money grumpies. You know, when your grumpy because you don't have any.

So we've come to the conclusion that I need a "real job", not a "self-employed, part-time, seamstress, designer, decorater, painter, work only when your friends need something job". Hmmm, do I really need to wonder why it's not working out?

So, besides the craft booth I've been working at Jakes school, looking for a job, manipulating my family into helping with the kids so I can get a job, sitting at the computer manipulating the money that we do have so it looks like more (and trying to hide the money I spent before I realized we didn't have any), doing my calling, and filling in the holes with all that "mom stuff". Frankly, I can barely remember my kids names at this point. Lets not even talk about the holidays coming up.

So far Jack & Carolyn aren't feeling too neglected yet. *hmmm, that doesn't sound right* But, they are still a little turned around about living in someone elses house. K keeps asking when we can leave this house & go back to her old one.

So, I'm sorry guys...life is busy. If I've neglected you, not called, not emailed, ignored, blown off, or otherwise offended you in some way, sorry. It's not personal, I have kids, ;)

Barbeques, Birthdays, and Ballgames...Oh My!

I thought I was busy in Texas, I really did. Now I realize I wasn't actually busy, I just really filled my time up. Here, in California, everybody else is filling my time up. You see, it's very different.

Instead of taking a whole day to run personal errands (translation- wander around Target aimlessly until I see someone I know, or fill my cart...whatever happens first) & lunch with friends, here we have all of these "obligations". Take last saturday for example...

6:30 am - Hot air balloon festival & breakfast with sister's family & friends

9:30 am - Jake's soccer game

10 am - Craft festival with Mom

11:30 am- Cal Ripken league practice

Afternoon - Misc. errands to prepare for...

4 pm-10:30 pm - company tailgate & Fresno State football game with Coleman family.

10:30 - Crash & burn in the car on the way home & sleep like the dead until Mike rolls us into the house

*Note - No, I didn't attend all of the activities listed above, Mike & I have perfected the art of "divide & conquer". I'm in charge of the girl's team, he's in charge of the boys. These days we're like ships passing in the night, giving each other high fives as we pass each other in the driveway.

Every week is like this, there's a barbeque, or a birthday, or church activity, or family member needing attention, or whatever. I LOVE IT! *i hate it* I LOOOOVE IT!!! *i think i hate it* IT'S GREAT!!! FAMILY ROCKS!!! *i'm living with it*

To be totally honest, I DO love it, but man...am I tired. *yawn*

I'm sorry...you killed what?

Many of you know that I'm living in my in-laws house while they are away on their mission in Salt Lake City. It has been a great help to us & we have found living here to be very comfortable. It is, however, not without it's challenges. I'd like to share one with you.

Four days before Kiernans big outdoor birthday party I'm at home getting "party clean" (this is different from "daily clean", "toxic juice spill clean", and the ever popular "throw everything in the closet clean") when there's a knock on the door. I go to answer it & find The Colemans yard care guy, Sergio, at the door.

"I finished the yard", he tell's me.

Every week he does the yard...he's never felt the need to tell me before.

"Ooookaaay" I tell him, while racking my brain trying to decide if I need to give him a tip or something.

"Be sure to turn off the automatic sprinklers, I killed the grass" he says.

"Oookaaay, I'll tell Mike to turn them...YOU WHAT?!?" I must have heard that wrong.

"I killed the grass like Mr. Jim asked. "

Crap...I heard him right. "Why did we kill the grass?" I ask.

"To plant fresh grass in the fall" he says.

Seriously?

Apparently Mr. Jim changes the grass like other people change socks.

Well, the grass was only a little dead for the party. Now however, it's REALLY dead. How dead, you ask? Check out the pictures to see.

I thought it would be a problem for the kids because they've really enjoyed playing in the yard. I was wrong. Apparently the kids would play in an african mine field If they had a ball & large enough open area.

My main problem with the dead grass scenario is this; if your nice neat neighbors moved out & their kids moved in, and suddenly the yard looked like this...what would you think?

Yeah, that's what I thought.

The Looooooong Day.

Well, add me to the list of people down with strep throat. I blame my sister. She, however blames me. Kiernan got it from school (I think) & gave it to Jake, who gave it to Jordyn & Evan, who then gave it to Lukas & Stefanie. They shared it with mom & now I have it. *Dang it* I realized today that there are a lot of things that I've shared with my sisters that I haven't shared with any other people. I have a mental list:

• Food & Drinks (this includes sharing glasses & utensils)
• Houses (Both have lived with me, frightening...I know)
• Kids (Hey, what's mine is yours)
• Music
• Friends (Not a good thing as teenagers)
• Toilets (Yes, simultaneously. This means you Stef)
• Gas (Don't ask, it's not the car kind. This means you Michelle)
• Colds
• Inside jokes (Michelle, need a Tic Tac? Stef, how 'bout some flying Italian Soda? Yum.)
• Good ideas
• Bad ideas
• Hair colors (Brunette, Blond & Red)
• Cars (I can't believe you sold my Mustang)
• Vacations (too many to count)

Anyways, now we're sharing yet another cold, which makes me cranky. I'm exhausted & was working on stuff all morning for the craft booth when I finally crashed & had to take a nap. 3 hours later I woke up sicker, crankier, and still just as tired. Mike knows this. I told him, "I'm sick, cranky & tired"...just like that. Over the next 20 minutes he asked me 3 questions that made me wonder why I have to be the girl in this relationship? Frankly, if I were the boy, I'd still be in bed RIGHT NOW! But, I'm not. Here's what he asked: "Are you going to get the drycleaning?", "What's for dinner?", and finally "Have you paid PG&E? You should really get that done." *Blink* Seriously?

Okay, here's the sad part. Since those comments 3 hours ago, after biting his head off for these very comments, I have been to the drycleaner, grocery shopped for the week, paid all of the bills, balanced the checkbook, & made dinner...all with the kids in tow because he went to a church activity. Now I want to die.

On a side note: While I made dinner & coughed up a lung tonight Jake went across the street to play with two other boys his age. I had Kiernan stay home with me which didn't go over well. I let her babble hysterically for about 20 minutes when finally I caught a bit of what she was screeching at me. I thought I heard this wrong...but I didn't.

ME: Kiernan, what did you just say?

Kiernan: *incoherent screeching*

ME: SLOW DOWN! Now breath & say that again.

Kiernan: *gasp* Mommy, you CUT MY HEART OUT!!!! You won't let me go play*sob*and now my heart hurts....you CUT IT OUT!!!

ME: I'm sorry. *snicker*

Some wierd switch flipped when she turned four & her vocabulary doubled. Her sarcasm level tripled, and her sass quadrupled! My other favorite comment from this week was when she caught her dad popping chocholate chips for a midday snack.

KIERNAN: Dad, whats that?

MIKE: Nothing

KIERNAN: I want some.

MIKE: Of what?

Kiernan: That. *pointing at his mouth*

Mike: Okay. *picking up a stale gold fish cracker from the counter* Here you go.

Kiernan: *Glares at the stale goldfish & squeaks* NO DAD....I don't want your STINKING goldfish! I want THAT! *Points at his mouth, again*

Okay, seriously..."stinking" golfish? Where does she hear this stuff?

So today I have stocked my booth some more (which essentially means I worked), hung out with my snotty sister & our sick kids, Cooked, shopped, been emotionally tore up by a 4 yr old & done other miscellaneous activities with strep throat.

Tomorrow...I sleep. Or die trying.

Princesses don't pick...

This one is for you, Amber. Don't say I didn't warn you.

This is K in the dress we got her for her birthday...don't ask how much it cost, I had a brain hemmorage at the cash register & can't remember anything that happened in that store. The first picture is her pretty princess pose. The second, is her checking out a boogey she picked with her lovely white satin gloves. Precious.

Okay, so I'm living viccariously through my 4 yr-old...if the dress had fit, yes, I would have put it on! This is also her halloween costume, and dinner attire for when we go to Disneyland in November. It's also a possible nightgown, church dress, swimsuit, or curtains...whatever will get me the most money out of it, considering what I paid.

My kids are trying to kill me

It's 4 in the morning & I can't sleep. I keep thinking about all of the things I need to do before I leave for Texas thursday morning (tomorrow). A few of the more annoying items being things like buying soccer shoes, writing a minute by minute itenierary for the kids activities, finish making a gazillion bow boards for the boutique, packing bags for me, mike & the kids (4 seperate bags...we're all going in different directions), find the source of the stink in my kitchen...oh yeah, and wash my hair(not to mention the rest of me). When I can't sleep I make lists in my head, hoping that I'll get so bored I'll fall asleep, while simultaneusly comitting things I need to recall to memory. I found myself pretty entertained by the following list & thought I would share it:

I'm calculating my actual age by deducting a year off of my life for each medical emergency that my kids have put me through. Here's what I came up with-
K-seizures, 2 day hospital stay due to subdural hematoma (I get 5 years for this one)
J-Falling down the stairs (top to bottom)
J-ER visit for possible intestinal blockage, the pediatricians exact words were "Go straight to Childrens Hospital, as fast as you can". What he should have said was "your kid has raging diaharrea...strap him into a car seat & drive 20 minutes while he screams bloody murder so that 2 minutes before you get to the ER he can poop his pants, car seat, car, & mom and feel instantly better." Good times.
J-ER visit for internal bleeding at 2 in the morning. What it actually was was the Red Cherry Icee that he chugged at Target as a bribe so that I could shop in peace. Who knew throw up could be SO red?
K-911 call,Abulance & fire truck to our house-During a "nap" she decided to try & swallow a hair clippy. She then choked on it for 5 minutes while I screamed at the 911 lady about her blue face, eyes rolling back in her head, & coughing up blood. Precisley 20 seconds before the ambulance pulled up she choked it up. The ambulance people kept wanting to check out the hysterical woman holding the smiling little girl & waving a bloody hair clip in the air. Again, I get 5 years for this one.
J-Falling down the stairs. (yes again)
K-Leaping off the front of the ski boat as Mike throws it into gear to pull a skiier up. 'Nuf said.
K-ER visit for screwing a nut (yes, a nut. As in nuts & bolts) on to her finger so tightly that it required medical intervention to get off. This one was kind of fun, they gave her drugs so that she wouldn't remember the "incident". She giggled uncontrollably & told us we were funny for about an hour.

Well, let's see. If I add these years on to my life (currently age 33) I actually become...49!!! Holy heck! I knew it! I'm basically a 30 year old in a 50 year old body. My kids are trying to kill me! (If they don't manage to kill themselves in the process)

Barbie has fabulous teeth!

I made a big mistake this week. I bought Kiernan "Barbie Toothpaste". Well, it's not actually toothpaste made by Mattel, it's good old fashioned Colgate...but it has a stunning picture of Barbie on it, probably taken at a multi-million dollar fashion shoot for A DOLL! I digress. So K was so excited to get this very fashionable toothpaste that she had to use it the minute she found it under my bed. (Apparently I carried the bag all the way to my room & instead of unpacking it I proceeded to move it from dresser to bed to nightstand to sewing table to (finally) under my bed where it seems to have finally gotten out of my way.) Kiernan found it a week later...I'm still not sure why she was under there. She was so excited to use it that when she came to ask me if her teeth looked shiny, I made the mistake of telling her "Yes, they look beautiful...just like Barbie Teeth". Oops. I now find her about 6 times a day in the bathroom brushing her teeth. Now you might say this is a good thing, I am a little less sure of that. Thank goodness I didn't tell her SHE actually looked like Barbie, She'd probably be chugging the stuff after every meal. Unreal...She just now came to me for the second time since I started typing to ask if her teeth looked like barbie teeth? *translation-She just took another hit of Colgate!*

While I find the idea of her brushing her teeth willingly, and regularly, a blessing. I have to wonder at the effects of chugging 8 oz. of toothpaste a day on a 4 year olds internal organs. HOWEVER...if in fact she does start to look like Barbie I'm buying a tube for myself & adding it to all my recipes!

The day Krispy Kreme died

Jacob asked me yesterday, "Mom, how come Krispy Kreme closes everywhere you live?". *perplexed frown* "Well Jake, I don't think it's personal."

Frankly, no Krispy Kreme should ever close in a town I live in...my PMS days alone should keep the dang place in business. Let alone cranky days, bored days, shopping days, hungry days, fat days, driving on that side of town days, lost a few pounds days, and any day I decide I've earned it. Which is every day I get out of bed.

To celebrate Krispy Kremes last day in Fresno my sister & I took the kids for one last hit of fluffy, hot, sugary deliciousness. Now let me preface this by stating that I told my sister we could share a half dozen (the kids all had their own bags). Usually I only do two donughts here, I figured three would be a fond farewell. When I arrived at KK my sis had already ordered for all of us because the lines were so stinkin' long for their last day. (Where were these people when KK was deciding whether to stay in business or not. I'd always done my share to support the local fluffy, hot, sugary, deliciousness industy!) Anyways...She informed me that this may be the last KK I may ever eat!!! *gasp...really?* So, yes, I agreed to the Hot & Now dozen! To see how we fared check out the attached pictures. Let's just say that I always pull my weight when doughnuts are involved. When she said, "Look just one left, you may never get this chance again." I knew I couldn't shirk my doughnut duty.

I wanted to throw up all day.