I'm sorry...you killed what?

Many of you know that I'm living in my in-laws house while they are away on their mission in Salt Lake City. It has been a great help to us & we have found living here to be very comfortable. It is, however, not without it's challenges. I'd like to share one with you.

Four days before Kiernans big outdoor birthday party I'm at home getting "party clean" (this is different from "daily clean", "toxic juice spill clean", and the ever popular "throw everything in the closet clean") when there's a knock on the door. I go to answer it & find The Colemans yard care guy, Sergio, at the door.

"I finished the yard", he tell's me.

Every week he does the yard...he's never felt the need to tell me before.

"Ooookaaay" I tell him, while racking my brain trying to decide if I need to give him a tip or something.

"Be sure to turn off the automatic sprinklers, I killed the grass" he says.

"Oookaaay, I'll tell Mike to turn them...YOU WHAT?!?" I must have heard that wrong.

"I killed the grass like Mr. Jim asked. "

Crap...I heard him right. "Why did we kill the grass?" I ask.

"To plant fresh grass in the fall" he says.

Seriously?

Apparently Mr. Jim changes the grass like other people change socks.

Well, the grass was only a little dead for the party. Now however, it's REALLY dead. How dead, you ask? Check out the pictures to see.

I thought it would be a problem for the kids because they've really enjoyed playing in the yard. I was wrong. Apparently the kids would play in an african mine field If they had a ball & large enough open area.

My main problem with the dead grass scenario is this; if your nice neat neighbors moved out & their kids moved in, and suddenly the yard looked like this...what would you think?

Yeah, that's what I thought.

The Looooooong Day.

Well, add me to the list of people down with strep throat. I blame my sister. She, however blames me. Kiernan got it from school (I think) & gave it to Jake, who gave it to Jordyn & Evan, who then gave it to Lukas & Stefanie. They shared it with mom & now I have it. *Dang it* I realized today that there are a lot of things that I've shared with my sisters that I haven't shared with any other people. I have a mental list:

• Food & Drinks (this includes sharing glasses & utensils)
• Houses (Both have lived with me, frightening...I know)
• Kids (Hey, what's mine is yours)
• Music
• Friends (Not a good thing as teenagers)
• Toilets (Yes, simultaneously. This means you Stef)
• Gas (Don't ask, it's not the car kind. This means you Michelle)
• Colds
• Inside jokes (Michelle, need a Tic Tac? Stef, how 'bout some flying Italian Soda? Yum.)
• Good ideas
• Bad ideas
• Hair colors (Brunette, Blond & Red)
• Cars (I can't believe you sold my Mustang)
• Vacations (too many to count)

Anyways, now we're sharing yet another cold, which makes me cranky. I'm exhausted & was working on stuff all morning for the craft booth when I finally crashed & had to take a nap. 3 hours later I woke up sicker, crankier, and still just as tired. Mike knows this. I told him, "I'm sick, cranky & tired"...just like that. Over the next 20 minutes he asked me 3 questions that made me wonder why I have to be the girl in this relationship? Frankly, if I were the boy, I'd still be in bed RIGHT NOW! But, I'm not. Here's what he asked: "Are you going to get the drycleaning?", "What's for dinner?", and finally "Have you paid PG&E? You should really get that done." *Blink* Seriously?

Okay, here's the sad part. Since those comments 3 hours ago, after biting his head off for these very comments, I have been to the drycleaner, grocery shopped for the week, paid all of the bills, balanced the checkbook, & made dinner...all with the kids in tow because he went to a church activity. Now I want to die.

On a side note: While I made dinner & coughed up a lung tonight Jake went across the street to play with two other boys his age. I had Kiernan stay home with me which didn't go over well. I let her babble hysterically for about 20 minutes when finally I caught a bit of what she was screeching at me. I thought I heard this wrong...but I didn't.

ME: Kiernan, what did you just say?

Kiernan: *incoherent screeching*

ME: SLOW DOWN! Now breath & say that again.

Kiernan: *gasp* Mommy, you CUT MY HEART OUT!!!! You won't let me go play*sob*and now my heart hurts....you CUT IT OUT!!!

ME: I'm sorry. *snicker*

Some wierd switch flipped when she turned four & her vocabulary doubled. Her sarcasm level tripled, and her sass quadrupled! My other favorite comment from this week was when she caught her dad popping chocholate chips for a midday snack.

KIERNAN: Dad, whats that?

MIKE: Nothing

KIERNAN: I want some.

MIKE: Of what?

Kiernan: That. *pointing at his mouth*

Mike: Okay. *picking up a stale gold fish cracker from the counter* Here you go.

Kiernan: *Glares at the stale goldfish & squeaks* NO DAD....I don't want your STINKING goldfish! I want THAT! *Points at his mouth, again*

Okay, seriously..."stinking" golfish? Where does she hear this stuff?

So today I have stocked my booth some more (which essentially means I worked), hung out with my snotty sister & our sick kids, Cooked, shopped, been emotionally tore up by a 4 yr old & done other miscellaneous activities with strep throat.

Tomorrow...I sleep. Or die trying.

Princesses don't pick...

This one is for you, Amber. Don't say I didn't warn you.

This is K in the dress we got her for her birthday...don't ask how much it cost, I had a brain hemmorage at the cash register & can't remember anything that happened in that store. The first picture is her pretty princess pose. The second, is her checking out a boogey she picked with her lovely white satin gloves. Precious.

Okay, so I'm living viccariously through my 4 yr-old...if the dress had fit, yes, I would have put it on! This is also her halloween costume, and dinner attire for when we go to Disneyland in November. It's also a possible nightgown, church dress, swimsuit, or curtains...whatever will get me the most money out of it, considering what I paid.

My kids are trying to kill me

It's 4 in the morning & I can't sleep. I keep thinking about all of the things I need to do before I leave for Texas thursday morning (tomorrow). A few of the more annoying items being things like buying soccer shoes, writing a minute by minute itenierary for the kids activities, finish making a gazillion bow boards for the boutique, packing bags for me, mike & the kids (4 seperate bags...we're all going in different directions), find the source of the stink in my kitchen...oh yeah, and wash my hair(not to mention the rest of me). When I can't sleep I make lists in my head, hoping that I'll get so bored I'll fall asleep, while simultaneusly comitting things I need to recall to memory. I found myself pretty entertained by the following list & thought I would share it:

I'm calculating my actual age by deducting a year off of my life for each medical emergency that my kids have put me through. Here's what I came up with-
K-seizures, 2 day hospital stay due to subdural hematoma (I get 5 years for this one)
J-Falling down the stairs (top to bottom)
J-ER visit for possible intestinal blockage, the pediatricians exact words were "Go straight to Childrens Hospital, as fast as you can". What he should have said was "your kid has raging diaharrea...strap him into a car seat & drive 20 minutes while he screams bloody murder so that 2 minutes before you get to the ER he can poop his pants, car seat, car, & mom and feel instantly better." Good times.
J-ER visit for internal bleeding at 2 in the morning. What it actually was was the Red Cherry Icee that he chugged at Target as a bribe so that I could shop in peace. Who knew throw up could be SO red?
K-911 call,Abulance & fire truck to our house-During a "nap" she decided to try & swallow a hair clippy. She then choked on it for 5 minutes while I screamed at the 911 lady about her blue face, eyes rolling back in her head, & coughing up blood. Precisley 20 seconds before the ambulance pulled up she choked it up. The ambulance people kept wanting to check out the hysterical woman holding the smiling little girl & waving a bloody hair clip in the air. Again, I get 5 years for this one.
J-Falling down the stairs. (yes again)
K-Leaping off the front of the ski boat as Mike throws it into gear to pull a skiier up. 'Nuf said.
K-ER visit for screwing a nut (yes, a nut. As in nuts & bolts) on to her finger so tightly that it required medical intervention to get off. This one was kind of fun, they gave her drugs so that she wouldn't remember the "incident". She giggled uncontrollably & told us we were funny for about an hour.

Well, let's see. If I add these years on to my life (currently age 33) I actually become...49!!! Holy heck! I knew it! I'm basically a 30 year old in a 50 year old body. My kids are trying to kill me! (If they don't manage to kill themselves in the process)

Barbie has fabulous teeth!

I made a big mistake this week. I bought Kiernan "Barbie Toothpaste". Well, it's not actually toothpaste made by Mattel, it's good old fashioned Colgate...but it has a stunning picture of Barbie on it, probably taken at a multi-million dollar fashion shoot for A DOLL! I digress. So K was so excited to get this very fashionable toothpaste that she had to use it the minute she found it under my bed. (Apparently I carried the bag all the way to my room & instead of unpacking it I proceeded to move it from dresser to bed to nightstand to sewing table to (finally) under my bed where it seems to have finally gotten out of my way.) Kiernan found it a week later...I'm still not sure why she was under there. She was so excited to use it that when she came to ask me if her teeth looked shiny, I made the mistake of telling her "Yes, they look beautiful...just like Barbie Teeth". Oops. I now find her about 6 times a day in the bathroom brushing her teeth. Now you might say this is a good thing, I am a little less sure of that. Thank goodness I didn't tell her SHE actually looked like Barbie, She'd probably be chugging the stuff after every meal. Unreal...She just now came to me for the second time since I started typing to ask if her teeth looked like barbie teeth? *translation-She just took another hit of Colgate!*

While I find the idea of her brushing her teeth willingly, and regularly, a blessing. I have to wonder at the effects of chugging 8 oz. of toothpaste a day on a 4 year olds internal organs. HOWEVER...if in fact she does start to look like Barbie I'm buying a tube for myself & adding it to all my recipes!